| In this section we aim to bring you regular stories submitted by people who have undergone fertility treatment, who have experienced infertility and who wish to help others in similar situations by sharing their story. |
Sandra Dill was 28 years of age and had been married for two years when she first became aware that there was a problem. What followed was over 12 years of medical treatment, including eight IVF attempts and IVF miscarriage.
It took a couple of years before we told anyone we were having trouble conceiving. We didn’t think it would be a long-term problem and were sure it would resolve itself.
But we were wrong. With each failed attempt came the gradual realisation that in all probability I would never have a child. That was more difficult to come to terms with than I had expected it might be. I resented that the choice about whether or not I would have children had been taken from me.
After nine years of investigations, I finally fell pregnant.
I remember after my eight week scan I saw the Registrar across the quadrangle and I called him over. When he was a few feet away I tried to tell him but just couldn’t get the word ‘pregnant’ out, so I just looked him rather stupidly and said, ‘Guess what?’.
The joy was soon to turn to devastation though - I miscarried at 14 weeks. The probability of that occurring was around 1 per cent.
I felt guilty, foolish, rejected, hurt, angry and stunned. I felt that I had failed my husband and myself. I also thought that no-one at the clinic would want to speak to me again. I felt that I had failed them too. I think the most obvious difficulty is the sense of loneliness and isolation one feels as time progresses. After a while family and friends don’t understand why it hasn’t worked and most of them have difficulty dealing with that. Many feel that you are unwise or even obsessive in pursuing your goal of a child through IVF.
My husband and I have not been successful in achieving a goal of our child.
To finally confront childlessness, after for so long being totally committed to that goal, is more difficult than you might have imagined. The costs have been high – emotionally, physically and financially. For those of us who remain childless, infertility is a life long disability.
Pursuing IVF has been a personal choice and that is important to me. We are grateful to those who have provided the technology, which has enabled us to make that choice. All of us make choices about those things we would like to pursue in our lives and most of those achievements come at some cost to us. Our choice was to try to have a child.”
Sandra lives in Sydney with her husband Brian and ‘fur babies’ Mozart and Tara.
ACCESS - Assisted Conception Taskforce
It is through Sandra’s journey that she became involved in ACCESS and the Assisted Conception Taskforce and now dedicates herself to helping raise awareness of the issues around infertility and improving access to resources and treatment available to anyone experiencing problems conceiving.
Since 1986, Sandra has represented consumers on several national and state government working parties reporting to Health Ministers on Assisted Reproductive Technology.
"I have worked with colleagues in all states – consumers and providers, and some of them have become friends who have been kind and supportive. I could not have survived this process without the support and encouragement of other people and I highly encourage anybody out there experiencing the same to reach out and make the most of the valuable resources available,” Sandra Dill said.
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